


Holding Pattern

by starvels (dinosaur)



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, Dreamsharing, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Mental Link, Multi, Non-Linear Narrative, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Polyamory, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Soul Bond, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-25
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:15:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21925036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinosaur/pseuds/starvels
Summary: Inside their shared dreams, Tony can open his eyes and believe that anything is true - the sky is maroon, gravity is cotton candy around his pinky, that he is a good person, that any of them love him, want him, will be a part of his life in the future.And then, of course, he wakes up.
Relationships: James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark/Avengers Team, Tony Stark/Everyone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 36
Collections: Marvel Trumps Hate 2018





	Holding Pattern

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Missy_dee811](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Missy_dee811/gifts).



> soulmates au where dreams are shared. v poly, v analysis of trauma echoing in dreamspace and beyond, v gay.  
> title from 'mercury' by sleeping at last. 
> 
> this is a gift fic for dora missy_dee811/viudanegraaa for winning my 2018 marvel trumps hate auction! thanks so much for your patient working with me, and may you enjoy, darling. sorry it's taken so long <3

Tony has to be careful not to give anything away, in the beginning.

Has to be patient and quiet and still loving and open with Steve. Wants to be. Up to that point, up to the caves and Ten Rings, it’s easily the hardest fucking thing he’s had to do.

Steve looks up from making clouds into cranes in the dream, electric eyes that have made Tony want to be an engineer – and Tony has to lie, has to say, “Sorry, Steve, I don’t know where you are in the future. I’m sure you have your reasons,” leans close to Steve and kisses his knobby shoulder, “Don’t worry, I know you’re coming for me.”

Tony has to act like he doesn’t hack the pentagon at 13, searching for Steven G. Rogers, and tumble down a train of confidential files for Captain goddamn America instead.

“Are you sure?” Steve’s voice is thin cloud cover over his canyon worry.

“Positive,” Tony says, lying through his fucking teeth, thinking about 1940s service redacted Captain America redacted redacted 1960’s rescue. Thinking about public record Captain America, leaving the US armed service in the 70’s and protesting Vietnam. Thinking about world-wide legend Captain America, leaving the whole fucking planet in the 90’s with Captain Marvel, protesting not getting involved in the Skrull refugee crisis.

“Okay,” Dream Steve, beautiful, impossible, in-love-with-Tony, Steve exhales. “I’ll find you.”

“I know you will,” Tony lies again.

\---

Most everyone dreamwalks. It’s not unique.

Evolutionary adaption, they call it.

In childhood, Tony dreams exclusively of people he knows he won’t meet until much, much later in life. If he’ll meet them at all. That’s unique.

Detrimental mutation, Tony calls it.

“You can say it’s weird, Mom, it’s fine,” Tony’s 11 and it’s not fine, but what else is he supposed to do.

Steve doesn’t know what a cell phone is, comes riddled with aches and absences. Rhodey barely dreams because he’s so tired all the time, taking care of his siblings. Pepper gets shuffled from foster house to group home, sometimes doesn’t even know what city she’s in. Rumiko and him don’t share a dream language or a verbal language. He dreams fleetingly of other shapes, people not fully decided of their importance to his genetic energy. 

He’s alone.

“Hey,” Mom says, moving away from the cutting board to Tony’s washing station. She pauses, one hand holding his arm still. He stares at the water instead of her. “It is weird.”

He shuts his eyes and nods. Trying not to cry. Fath – Howard says – but he doesn’t have to care about that, Mom said so, he reminds himself. His breath skips.

“It’s weird,” Mom continues, pulling him in close, sturdy arms and habanero smell, “but it’s not wrong.”

Tony swallows, too hard, clings, too hard.

“What does that mean?”

“Means you’re you. And your dreams are just as okay as the rest of you.”

He wishes, looking back, he’d asked more. He wishes he’d asked more what she meant, wishes he’d asked for her recipes written down, for her music sheets, for more hugs, for her to tell him what to do about Steve, about Rhodey and Pepper and everyone.

He wishes a lot.

\---

Jarvis was driving and she wasn’t supposed to be in the car, she wasn’t supposed to go – Howard was fine alone, why. Why did she, in the car, Jarvis drove and she –

14 is a bad year for waking and dreaming.

Steve loses Sarah. Rhodey’s family moves, downsizes apartments, he starts picking up jobs where he can, studies when he can’t – barely sleeps. Pepper moves through 6 fosters homes, 11 bruises. Rumiko doesn’t have time to teach, and both of their motivations are elsewhere.

Tony exists in fragments.

Too far apart to be put together.

He learns to live in in-betweens. Looking someplace other than under his feet. Over and up and out.

Guns are easy machines. Building them better is hardly a challenge, but he does it anyway, Obadiah curling over his shoulder with glee. Something in his chest grows old and brittle, long before its age.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! comments and critiques loved <3  
> updates a bit sporadically, soz! but will probably be every two weeks on mondays or tuesdays.


End file.
